dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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