you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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