Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
