Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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