so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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