my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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