I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
