dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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