my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
