I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
