nut hugger
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
