did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
