The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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