Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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