dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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