I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
