Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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