What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How naked do you want me to be?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
