And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
