I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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