the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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