the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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