My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
