Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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