I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
