I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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