His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
