If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
