There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize