Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
