So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
