can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
