I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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