considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
