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I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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