careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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