someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My ass is underappreciated
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
