I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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