It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
