I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I supernannyed him into submission
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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