did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
