I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
