It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
