i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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