it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
