Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
soo... how was my night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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