..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
