why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
