Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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