i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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