Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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