Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
