There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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