do herpes really smell.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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