i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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