Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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