No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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