don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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