We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
