Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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