he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
