i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
