I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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