she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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