This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
