Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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