Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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