WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
