Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
