btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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