i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
