someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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