to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
