lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize