Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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