im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
