he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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