I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
