You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You took a bar mat shot.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
