I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my poor anus
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
