Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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