Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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