Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
