You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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