I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
