I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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