you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
