the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
