I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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