Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
