you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
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they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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