A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
