i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
