Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
