I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
