omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
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I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
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Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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